I’m Not Feeling You

Young ladies of the workforce, nobody wants to watch you staring at cute overload all day, practicing thinking about babies. It’s feelings porn and it’s gross.

Or do, I don’t care, but don’t come running to me when Anthony the Office Perv spends all day downloading Miley Cyrus pics. Because it’s exactly the same thing, and you know it.

Just so we’re clear: showing your back is a no no. BJ socks are A-OK. Everybody got that? Great.

When dudes go bald and shave their heads to look “more virile,” what they mean by “more virile” is “like a penis”.

This is what meat looks like when grown in a tube from prenatal sheep cells. It’s all baaaaaaaaahhd. I prefer my meat with murder, thank you.