I’m Not Feeling You

You ever noticed how when it doesn’t coincide with Christmas, Hanukkah sucks extra? Can’t we all just finally agree that Santa has nothing to do with Jesus and then we can celebrate Christmas with you guys?

Sure, times are tough, but at least the weather’s nice the economy’s going to be OK the Christian Right’s been booted out of Washington there’s some holiday spirit left in this country the bad guys get what they deserve there haven’t been any terrorist attacks recently I don’t have a tiny foot growing inside my head.

Check out the video.

Best New York Times lead ever:

A day after he was charged with stabbing his companion in the face with a broken glass, State Senator-Elect Hiram Monserrate said he was incapable of such a crime, and vowed to take his Senate seat come Jan. 1.

I’m just saying. Anyway, it’s all a big misunderstanding, he accidentally stabbed his girlfriend in the face with a broken glass after finding coke in her purse.

God: So then, when they got to the temple they realized there was only one day’s left of oil…

Me: Is this going anywhere? And while we’re at it, what the fuck is a Hanukkah?

God: It’s actually “Hanuka.”

Me: OK, what the fuck is a Hanuka?

God: It’s actually “Chanukah.”

Me: Go to Chell.