I’m Not Feeling You

After close to two months in Korea, I’m proud to call myself bilingual, being that I’m now fluent in both English and Teacher. So, when I’m finishing class and my first-graders hand me, say, a half-eaten crap Korean cookie and a gumdrop, I’m now able to answer them in Teacher and say, “thanks, I’ll eat that later.” Which, you could roughly translates into English as, “I will never eat that. In fact, I resent having to hold these items until you’re out of site. I’ve spent the last forty minutes watching your damp little paws, and not only were you wrist-deep into both nostrils, at the same time, but I’m at least 86% sure that at least one of your fingers has been inside your butt since we started this whole cookie conversation. Did you just lick your hand? If this were Medieval times and I was laying seige to a castle, I would catipult you over the wall with instructions to hand out gumdrops and cookies to everyone you saw, wait until the enemy guards died of plague, and crown myself your king… king of the butt-finger lickers.”