I’m Not Feeling You

Cars, clothes, endorsement deals, dogs, you had it all, and now all you’ve got is this giant, vainy, red dick in your face.

“I’d like to thank all my dogs, the ones who are here and the ones who aren’t here anymore. Sometimes when a man’s alone, that’s all you got is your dog.”

In case anyone ever asks you, that’s how you make an acceptance speech. I feel for you Mickey.

First of all, the Westminster Dog Show Best in Show Winner is like 70 in dog-years? That’s like Joan Rivers winning the Miss America pageant. More importantly though, “Stump the Sussex Spaniel”? Does Stump the Sussex Spaniel salivate sniffing salami sandwiches?  Savor sailing sloops with seagulls? Alliteration is the humor of the feeble-minded. And just look at you. You make me sick.

Me: OffToAFuckedUpStartAlreadySays, “I already suck”?

2009: I already suck

Me: Exactly