Here’s a great rule of thumb: nobody under indictment should ever be seen in public wearing a track suit. Not under any circumstances. Like, if you must, jog in a tux. Honestly, one of those black and white striped Hambugler outfits and a big sack of cash would be less incriminating.
So a while back I wrote a little thing about Snuggie: The blanket with sleeves (a.k.a. a backwards robe) and then my dear friends at Rumb Roast linked to it. In the comments that ensued one of his fine readers mentioned this.
a) Here’s the thing, as an American, I try really hard not to fall pray to the kind of cultural chauvinism that plagues this country, but like, how lame is Europe? Look at that chief in the yellow. I have a really hard time imagining that guy at like, a football game, but in the middle of a sheep pasture at some outdoor music festival in Germany or Scotland… seems about right. Right? Right.
b) Dude, you don’t look like a Space Ranger from the Intergalactic Drum and Base Alliance, you’re basically a furry.
c) Parents, when your kids say, do, or wear something stupid, make fun of them. Don’t laugh at their bad jokes, don’t tell them they look cool when they don’t. Go ahead and let them know they look like an idiot. It’s fun, and that way they’ll learn not to be an idiot. If you treat them like a precious little genius every time some retarded nonsense comes out of their mouths or their closets they’ll never learn any better and before you know it they’ll be dancing in a field somewhere wearing a snowsuit.
The answer is “C”
You know, if there’s one thing that sweatpants have taught us, it’s that there’s such a thing as too comfortable. Like, when you’re complaining that your hands are “trapped” under the blanket, that’s a sign that you probably need to challenge yourself a little more. Maybe try inventing something… you know what would be neat? A blanket with sleeves.
It’s not enough that you’re a fucking pirate, you have to dress awesome too? Peep his headscarf/sunglasses combo. He’s like M.I.A.’s older brother. I don’t want you to board my ship, but I will pretend to be way over your single and secretly listen to it all the time.