I want a new tattoo. And, because the one above is seeming like a good idea right now (it’s the cupcake that kills me), I’m taking recommendations. Winning suggestion receives the satisfaction of knowing I’ve tattooed their genius on my body for all time. And an iPod Nano. There’s no iPod Nano.
First of all, I already told you, Cat on a leash must be stopped.
Second, tell the truth New York Times, are you accepting story ideas from my Nanna?
Finally, “they cut a fine figure together at sunset, man and cat, each of slim, proud carriage—two quiet silhouettes connected by the leash.” Way to gay up the guy who walks his cat on a leash NY Times.
I mean wax some of it if you want. Just not the whole thing. Ok? I’m not saying it makes everyone’s stuff look like chewed bubble gum, I’m just saying there’s a reason they don’t breed hairless Shar-Peis. You know?
So, if you missed it:
Retard 1 appeared in a “viral ad” (viral ads are ads that aren’t good enough for TV and so end up on the internet) for Dunkin’ Donuts.
Then, retard 2 (and a bunch of other hateful right wing bloggers) decided that the scarf the first retard is wearing looked like a keffiyeh (which is a traditional scarf men wear because scarves come in handy in the desert), and so wrote a letter asking Dunkin’ Donuts to pull the spot (which is impossible because it’s on the internet and how do you pull a spot that’s on the internet?) because they’re racist.
Then the retards at Dunkin’ Donuts caved and “pulled the spot”.
Then, these retards sent me a petition asking me to boycott Dunkin’ Donuts until they apologize for taking the ad off their homepage (by the way, their petition is all fucked up because it’s not a traditional Palestinian scarf, it’s a Bedouin scarf and men wear them all over the middle east, as well as parts of Asia, Europe and North Africa) .
Anyway, here’s the thing, I think anti-Arab sentiment in the US is an issue, but I will never boycott anyone for taking even the littlest piece of Rachel Ray-related media out of my sight, for whatever reason.
Also, there are 1000 good reasons to boycott Dunkin’ Donuts (#1: Childhood Obesity) and/or Rachel Ray (#1: She’s a retard), but the fact that they pulled some commercial that none of us should have to (or want to) watch anyway because it didn’t contain a keffiyeh is just never going to be one of them. There are things that are too insignificant to care about and this is one of them.
Lou Pearlman invented The Backstreet Boys and N’Sync and then got sued by both and now he’s going to jail for 25 years. Or something. I can’t really bothered with the details of this when there’s so much R. Kelly trial to think about.
I will say this though: Saltz’s immutable law #373 states clearly that any white man over 17 whose colored sunglass lenses match the color of his shirt is, has been, or will be, serving jail time. That’s just the rule.