Archive for the 'Food' Category

I’m Not Feeling You Quiche

Pierre: You know what’s awesome?

Francois: Pie?

Pierre: Totally. What if though, instead of juicy, sweet, delicious fruit, you had…

Francois: Scrambled eggs!

Pierre: Exaclty! What if instead of juicy, sweet, delicious fruit you had scrambled eggs in there!

Francois: Awesome!

Pierre: I’ll get the eggs!

Francois: Wait, you were kidding right?

Pierre: What?

Francois: Nothing.

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I’m Not Feeling You Entertainment Weekly Online Headline Writer

It’s not so much that “‘Hancock’ Star Charlize Theron loves Spaghetti,” but rather that:

“‘Hancock’ Star Charlize Theron Loves Spaghetti!”

It’s an important distinction to make.

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I’m Not Feeling You Thinking/Talking/Sending Me Petitions About The Keffiyeh Kerffufle

So, if you missed it:

Retard 1 appeared in a “viral ad” (viral ads are ads that aren’t good enough for TV and so end up on the internet) for Dunkin’ Donuts.

Then, retard 2 (and a bunch of other hateful right wing bloggers) decided that the scarf the first retard is wearing looked like a keffiyeh (which is a traditional scarf men wear because scarves come in handy in the desert), and so wrote a letter asking Dunkin’ Donuts to pull the spot (which is impossible because it’s on the internet and how do you pull a spot that’s on the internet?) because they’re racist.

Then the retards at Dunkin’ Donuts caved and “pulled the spot”.

Then, these retards sent me a petition asking me to boycott Dunkin’ Donuts until they apologize for taking the ad off their homepage (by the way, their petition is all fucked up because it’s not a traditional Palestinian scarf, it’s a Bedouin scarf and men wear them all over the middle east, as well as parts of Asia, Europe and North Africa) .

Anyway, here’s the thing, I think anti-Arab sentiment in the US is an issue, but I will never boycott anyone for taking even the littlest piece of Rachel Ray-related media out of my sight, for whatever reason.

Also, there are 1000 good reasons to boycott Dunkin’ Donuts (#1: Childhood Obesity) and/or Rachel Ray (#1: She’s a retard), but the fact that they pulled some commercial that none of us should have to (or want to) watch anyway because it didn’t contain a keffiyeh is just never going to be one of them. There are things that are too insignificant to care about and this is one of them.

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I’m Not Feeling You McDonald’s Southern Style Chicken Biscuit

“Southern Style” means “For Fat People.” We all have to draw the line somewhere, and I’m going with fried chicken for breakfast

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I Wasn’t Feeling You Chicago Foie Gras Ban

A) If the Chicago City Council was going to ban anything it should have been crack.

B) If you’ve ever spent any time with a duck, then you know that stuffing a pipe down its throat and feeding it until its liver explodes is about the nicest thing you’d like to do to it.

C) Fuck Vegans

The answer is C.

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AJAXed with AWP