I’m Not Feeling You Bears
This magazine treats guys like me as the magic frolicking hairy unicorns we are, and I’m not gay so I can’t really be a bear, and it’s making me feel extremely left out. Can’t a bunch of dudes just hang out bare chested and rub beards in a platonic way? Like maybe it’s hot and we have to undo our onesies… I think that’s beautiful and you don’t need to make it all sexual. Can’t it be like a lodge? Like the Elks or something? I’m not a bear but I kind of want to party like one. Just me and a bunch of other hairy dudes drinking beer with our junk out… in a platonic way. What’s so wrong with that?
Man, fuck society.
















