I’m Not Feeling You

Dear Professor Dog Face,

Riddle me this: If your sense of smell is 100x better than mine, how come you’re not dead from your own farts?

Here’s what I would say if I ran into my dog at a cocktail party:

Oh, hey! How are you? Remind me what is it you do again? Wait, you don’t do anything? Oh I see, you don’t do anything except fart and shed and cry and sometimes bite the guests? That’s cool.

By the way, I hear you’re doing an awesome job not scaring away the mice in my apartment. I should get a cat. Except you’d kill it. With your teeth. Asshole