Sure, times are tough, but at least the weather’s nice the economy’s going to be OK the Christian Right’s been booted out of Washington there’s some holiday spirit left in this country the bad guys get what they deserve there haven’t been any terrorist attacks recently I don’t have a tiny foot growing inside my head.
God: Guess what?
Me: Hi.
God: ‘Sup. Guess what? I made a new squid! It’s got elbows!
Me: Oh. Cool.
God: What, you no likey?
Me: Real talk?
God: Sure.
Me: Did you get to any of that other stuff we talked about? You know, with Darfur, and the rainforest and stuff…
God: Uhm…
Me: Yeah, cause I think we were good for kinds of squid.
God: This one’s got elbows!
Oh Sarah Palin, what won’t you shoot in front of your children? Actually, I think it’s good to talk to your kids, in a frank and honest fashion, about the possible perils and pitfalls of shooting things with guns. That way, by the time they’re teenagers they won’t be sleeping with dudes running around shooting things without the proper safety precautions. The last thing you’d want is to come out against shooting things with guns education and then for the press to discover that your teenage daughter accidentally got pregnant shot something with a gun.
If my years with Hamilton have taught me anything, it’s what a dog looks like with its nose bitten off. Sorry Gawker, that’s a fucking dog. In fact, here’s a list of things that it could be in order of likelihood.
1.Dog
2. Guy in a dog suit
3. Several small dogs piled together to look like a larger dog that looks like a monster
4. Raccoon
5. A different dog from the dog I first thought it was
6. Pig
7. Dog
8. Dog
9. Dog
10. Monster Dog