I’m Not Feeling You

$3 train fare? It’s not enough that NYC and I are engaged in an abusive relationship, The City had to start using the buckle end of the belt.

It’s actually kind of cool that they got together to talk, and I kind of feel for McCain, his campaign was despicable, but he’s like a mediocre actor that made one really really bad movie. He’s like the Kevin Costner of politics. He and Bob Dole should host a talk show. It would be called: “Golf and Naps with John and Bob,” and I’d enjoy watching watching it when really stoned.

Lehman Brothers collapsing! Merrill Lynch & Co sold itself to Bank of America Corp!!!!!!! AIG rescued by Fed!!!!! TCBY bailed out!!!!! Gleefman Binch implodes!!! Fraggleman Speezel Flang avoid hostile takeover!!!!

If I understood any of what was going on would I feel:

A) Better

B) Worse

C)The Same

The answer is “C”

Our gay eccentric billionaire mayor, Michael Bloomberg, is getting more Willy Wonka-esque by the moment. His new proposal is to power the NYC by putting windmills on top of everything. I’m not saying we don’t have an energy problem here in the city, I’m just saying at least we don’t have a giant spinning blades plummeting 30 stories onto our heads problem. It’s kind of like introducing bobcats to take care of the rat problem, it would probably work but also it’s a terrible idea.

If my years with Hamilton have taught me anything, it’s what a dog looks like with its nose bitten off. Sorry Gawker, that’s a fucking dog. In fact, here’s a list of things that it could be in order of likelihood.

1.Dog

2. Guy in a dog suit

3. Several small dogs piled together to look like a larger dog that looks like a monster

4. Raccoon

5. A different dog from the dog I first thought it was

6. Pig

7. Dog

8. Dog

9. Dog

10. Monster Dog