God: So then, when they got to the temple they realized there was only one day’s left of oil…
Me: Is this going anywhere? And while we’re at it, what the fuck is a Hanukkah?
God: It’s actually “Hanuka.”
Me: OK, what the fuck is a Hanuka?
God: It’s actually “Chanukah.”
Me: Go to Chell.
Buddy Bear, I’ll get behind you on a lot of stuff… the Clinton cabinet post, not kicking Joe Lieberman out of the caucus, not kicking Joe Lieberman if I ever get the chance, but Rick Warren? Come on man, this was supposed to be our special day.
I know, blah blah blah he does a lot of good stuff for AIDS and Poverty, or I guess against AIDS and Poverty, but also he hates gay people…
I was gonna maybe go down for the inaugeration but instead I’m going to donate the money I would have spent that weekend to People For the American Way’s Marriage Equality Campaign.
OK, half of what I would have spent… I’m broke.
Dude, you know what’s cool to get instead of a tattoo of your knocked-up girlfriend’s name on your ring-finger? Condoms.
If these guys were a boy band I would buy their album. And their T-shirt. And their pillow cases. I would go to the concert and have a favorite. His name would be “Terry.” Man, I almost forgot about these crazy sons of bitches.