I’m Not Feeling You

I think this is probably not a good idea, unless it cures all kinds of diseases, or someone wants to make me a lady-horse. I think I would like a lady-horse.

This is one of those rare cases where whether or not it’s meant to be ironic I hate him the same.

If you’ve ever wondered why everyone hates us, it’s because of this guy.

Mostly because you’re making me hate Oprah. How come the calmer he is the crazier he seems?

Also, sorry to bring this up again, but fuck. I’m not saying Tom Cruise is gay, I’m just saying his dick tastes like shit.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I mean, I agree with you. Except for the Farrakhan part. And the AIDS part. And the believing in god part. But seriously, shut the fuck up you’re ruining everything.

God: Hey! Remember that time I killed a bunch of babies?

Me: Yeah…

God: Well it’s time to celebrate!

Me: This isn’t going to be another one of those things where my family gets together to scream is it?

God: Great! I’ll bring the shitty crackers!