I’m Not Feeling You

I mean… I don’t know… Shockingly predictable plot turns, transparent dialogue, BJs… I thought this was pretty good. Where’s Donna?

Did you hear John McCain on Leno?

Here’s my impression of John and Cindy McCain at home:

Cindy McCain: Please John, just do it for a second.

John McCain: When I was a P.O.W. for 5 1/2 years, we didn’t even have oral sex.

Here’s my impression of John McLaughlin and his wife reading in bed:

John McLaughlin: “Question! On a scale of 0 to 10–with 0 representing zero possibility and 10 representing metaphysical certitude–what is the chance of my getting a blow job.”

Sure you’re on track to win 8 gold medals, but what about your little friend there who doesn’t want to take his shirt off in front of the girls? How about a little sensitivity? Do you think Michael Phelps says “bro” a lot? He does.

According to the Facebook “Which Golden Girl Are You?” application, I’m a Sophia, so this hits especially close to home. I like to think that God needed someone especially hilarious to take a dump on Jesse Helms’s head every 20 minutes or so… Anyway, thank you for being a friend.