Young Jeezy does not, I repeat, does not, support McCain for president, even though they were on the same episode of SNL.

A) I’ll take Jeezy over Barbara Streisand, Chuck Norris, and whoever McCain has endorsing him Eric Estrada any day of the fucking week.

B) My President Is Black too.

C) When they asked him why, y’all thought he was going to say something like, “That’s my ni**a.” But instead he said, “I can’t mess with McCain because I’m paying for my mom’s health care out of pocket.”

The answer is “C”.

The one on the left is named, “Oh My God” and his friend to the right is, “I’m Gonna Fucking Barf.”

They don’t seem so bad… until you realize that they travel in swarms of thousands, devouring everything in their path. They don’t. But what if they did? Gross.

Still, it make me feel better about my intractable mouse problem. Like, at least I don’t have tiny monkeys.

This is my dog, Hamilton, who I’m not feeling. As you can see he is more dog than weapon and more semi-vegetative sloth than dog. I’m sorry those other dogs hurt those other people, but Peter Vallone, if you try to take him from me I will bite you in the face with my teeth.

Fuck BSL. Breed Specific Legislation is Bull Shit Legislation.

And Pit Bull people are crazy.

I know he won the Nobel Peace Price like 15 years ago, and he’s 90, and also, like the most adorable man in the world, but I just don’t trust that guy. Maybe we should give it just one more year.

Seriously, the Terrorism Watch List is like Osama bin Laden, Nelson Mandela, Cat Stevens, Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show, and the Soup Nazi. I think it’s time to consider revising.

If Woody Allen and E.T. had a baby it would be really fucking long and boring.