I’m Not Feeling You

One nice thing about the Clinton’s was that you knew when they said stuff like this, they were just saying it to get elected. Sometimes honesty and ethics are a little scary.

One time i saw that commercial for Restless Leg Syndrome medicine, and now I have Restless Leg Syndrome, so thank you New Yorker Magazine, thank you for making me sleep with a helmet:

For M., certainly, it did: the itching was so torturous, and the area so numb, that her scratching began to go through the skin. At a later office visit, her doctor found a silver-dollar-size patch of scalp where skin had been replaced by scab. M. tried bandaging her head, wearing caps to bed. But her fingernails would always find a way to her flesh, especially while she slept.

One morning, after she was awakened by her bedside alarm, she sat up and, she recalled, “this fluid came down my face, this greenish liquid.” She pressed a square of gauze to her head and went to see her doctor again. M. showed the doctor the fluid on the dressing. The doctor looked closely at the wound. She shined a light on it and in M.’s eyes. Then she walked out of the room and called an ambulance. Only in the Emergency Department at Massachusetts General Hospital, after the doctors started swarming, and one told her she needed surgery now, did M. learn what had happened. She had scratched through her skull during the night—and all the way into her brain.

Pierre: You know what’s awesome?

Francois: Pie?

Pierre: Totally. What if though, instead of juicy, sweet, delicious fruit, you had…

Francois: Scrambled eggs!

Pierre: Exaclty! What if instead of juicy, sweet, delicious fruit you had scrambled eggs in there!

Francois: Awesome!

Pierre: I’ll get the eggs!

Francois: Wait, you were kidding right?

Pierre: What?

Francois: Nothing.

Also, as a former worker in the internet marketing field, I’m pretty sure, and it’s a lot more likely that, your shit got taken down because you don’t know how to use the internet and you sent too many annoying emails, not because some Obama supporters flagged your blog as spam. You only think that because you want to think that.

Here’s somethings I’ve never said:

“____ is so much cooler when he’s done a bunch of Cocaine.”

“I really like ____, except when he’s not on Cocaine.”

“She’s so much better in bed when she’s done a whole shit load of Cocaine”